Tag: kids

Adventures in Parenting, Family Life, Random Thoughts

Best laid plans

Kelley Lively

I was in bed at 8:30 pm with my kindle. My alarm was set for 5:00 am (along with the coffee pot). My computer and everything I needed for the morning was downstairs. I was ready for tomorrow.

I love to write. It’s my way of organizing my thoughts, my way of making sense of things, my way of worship and personal growth, and hopefully a way to encourage others. My husband and I discussed making time for me to do just that, uninterrupted, and I was really looking forward to it.

And then at 2:30 am, sweet baby James woke up with a fever and never fully went back to sleep. Which meant I never went back to sleep. Suddenly, all my preparation for my early morning writing session was out the window. I was now going to have to figure out how to get sleep and parent our 4 little ones, including a sick baby, with very little sleep. My time dedicated to writing was quickly replaced with begging and pleading to God for energy and strength for the day and wellness for my family.

These are the times I just want to pull the covers over my head and not participate in the day. I struggle so much between the all or nothing. I either strive for a great day, rhythm, and just loving and enjoying my family, or I have days like this when I want to put the kids in front of a screen in their jammies all day, let them destroy the house and eat whatever they want until I can declare early bedtime at 6pm. I know I need to allow rest and grace, but too much of no rhythm triggers bad moods for me and my kids. Plans are good, routines are good, but keeping those when I hit a snag has me repeating “Jesus, take the wheel” All. Day. Long.

Sometimes the best laid plans fail. Sometimes it’s because of our own doing, sometimes it’s because of others or external circumstances. But I know one thing, life’s hiccups aren’t a surprise to God.

What if our messed up plans are actually God trying to get our attention? Maybe when our plans are shifted or pulled right out from under us, it’s God’s way of pushing us to exercise our trust muscles. In those situations, we have no choice but to look and really search for Him.

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

Having kids has humbled me so much. They’re so unpredictable, always surprising me and always stretching me to grow, even through sleepless nights when my mind just doesn’t want to work the way it’s supposed to. Just when I think I have things figured out or a good plan in place, something changes and I need to adapt. Thankfully I’m not alone, and I’m continually reminded of Gods grace and mercy, everyday, through life’s peaks and valleys.

What about you? Do you have trouble adapting to unforeseen changes? Are you all or nothing when it comes to routines like I am? Was there a time when you really felt forced to trust in Gods strength over your own?

Family Life, Random Thoughts

How do I know if I’m a good mom?

Kelley Lively

Do you ever write a note to yourself? Of course we have task lists and reminders but I’ve found lately I’ve been encouraging myself via Post-it notes. I used to do this when I worked in an office, so why should the “job” of being a mom be any different?

Since scaling back my roles in marketing and interior design, I’ve had such a challenge transitioning from career to full time mom. I know so many can relate. I think my main problem has stemmed from lack of measurable success. It sounds so silly, but being in sales and working to build my business, I could always measure how well I was accomplishing what I was working toward.

Motherhood, not so much. If I based my success on behavioral feedback from my kids… I know the answer would be pretty negative. I mean, I can translate all the screaming and yelling and fighting in that way at least. I feel as though I’m telling them the same thing every day and not seeing them grasp on. Don’t get me wrong, we have pretty amazing kids. They’re healthy, strong, intelligent, responsible, caring little humans, but I can’t take credit for that. I can’t even take credit for their love of the Lord, that’s all Him. We’ve chosen to homeschool our kids but their learning is all them. I can’t measure my success by what they know but also don’t want to put that kind of pressure on them or me.

It’s not that I need constant affirmation but I think we all feel like we need a goal to work toward or insight as to if we are doing things right or succeeding. I’ve looked hard but I can’t find a common THING to measure my success. This makes the job of motherhood so wearisome, so draining, and so (as my friend says) “lather, rinse, repeat”.

I was recently encouraged to instead of looking for earthly, tangible ways of measuring myself and our days, question if I have accomplished the goal of making my kids feel loved. I don’t often ask myself or my kids, if they FEEL loved, but it’s given me a new perspective.

Sally Clarkson, a favorite author of mine, said when asked how she influenced her 4 now adult children, “This is the secret: loving them well, generously, all the time, in every situation…unconditional love won the day.”

Instead of trying to control our days or kids to give me some sort of accomplishment, just focus on loving them. That is my #1 job as a mom. So this is what my motivational note to myself says over my kitchen sink, “do they feel loved?” This is my reminder throughout the day of what’s important. It seems so simple that we often forget that’s what matters. Not did we get the chance to read together, did I get laundry or anything on my to do list done, did we get to our devotions that day, did I speak with kindness at all those stressful moments (especially during the hours of 4pm-7pm), did I get one on one time with the kids or get outside enough today. Of course these things are great to strive for, but the Bible says “the greatest of these is love”. So I’m putting LOVE at the top of my list today and every day. Everything else can wait.

Adventures in Parenting

The Day I was Super Mom

Kelley Lively

Do you ever have those days when you’re just killing it? As a mom, they don’t happen often. I’m a planner and kids are unpredictable so in my eyes, everything is always out of control. I’ve learned in the past few years to loosely plan, otherwise I’m setting myself up for disappointment. Sidenote: my twin girls are 3 and have started using the word “otherwise” correctly in a sentence and it’s absolutely hilarious. 

One day, I planned to go to the grocery store with the kids, which should be considered an Olympic sport. I actually consider it my exercise for the day and don’t plan anything else that day because I know it will completely wear me out. I literally race through the store pushing 60+ lbs of kids, plus groceries, in an extra long cart (that you should need a separate license for) with a 20 lb baby strapped to my chest. Oh and then I have to use my brain at the same time…

The kids actually really like grocery shopping most of the time, and I try to make the most of our grocery trips, making it an opportunity to not only practice obedience, but teach them about food, where it comes from, why we’re buying what we’re buying, staying on budget (needs vs. wants), etc. EVERYTHING is a teaching opportunity when they’re at this curious, asking questions stage so I capitalize on it most of the time, unless I’m just DONE and then I tell them mommy has a headache and I need quiet (many days) and “no, for the fifth time, you may not have jelly beans”. Charles just laughs and smiles at everyone no matter what we’re doing. Gosh, I love that kid.

Not pictured: smiley, happy baby snuggling in his carrier

This particular day, I did not have high hopes for our trip. I don’t know if you’ve shopped at Wholefoods, we do occasionally, but it’s not the most family friendly grocery store; they have ONE cart that will SOMEWHAT fit all of my children, and the food to feed them. The last time we walked into Wholefoods, an employee actually commented to me inside the store “oh, you actually made it inside”. I guess he saw the all out meltdown by one of the twins at the entrance about who got to sit in what seat… “Yes, we still need food, sorry for hurting your ears.” So I braced myself this time.

This trip was amazing, the kids were so patient and kind, an employee offered them an apple (washed, peeled and cut for them…I sometimes love you Wholefoods). I smiled, the kids smiled, strangers smiled, we all had it together, people probably thought I was super mom, I surely did.

We got to the car, unloaded the groceries, the girls buckled themselves into their seats without me even asking (cue the choir singing). I pulled the baby out of the carrier and he’s covered in poop. I mean covered. I’m covered. It’s a mess. I lay him down to clean him up and I have no wipes. I grab a couple of napkins and a bottle of water, do what I can, and put him back in his seat and buckle him in. More poop. Apparently this mess occurred BEFORE we went in the store because it’s all over his seat. I take off his clothes again, change his diaper, I have no change of clothes for me so here I am driving us home in a poopy car that had been basking in the hot sun, covered in poop myself, wondering how many of those kind smiles from strangers were really laughing at me and my baby covered in poop? Also, how did I not notice it?

God has a really funny way of humbling us sometimes doesn’t He? That day was a kind reminder that I do not have it together even when sometimes I like to tell myself I do.